How did he get the Astroglide past security?

EDITORIAL: Can you join the Mile High Club if your partner is Rosie Palmer and her five sisters? A man named Murali Krishna Nookella apparently thought so. Looks like he picked the wrong week to give up discretion.

Nookella ("Nookie"?), an IT hand from Delaware, was on a Southwest Airline flight from Philly when he apparently decided he couldn't wait until he got to a conference in Denver to rub one out.

Surely the initial reports couldn't be serious. However, it turns out Lt. Unzip was due in federal cou

Jerry DeMarco / Publisher/Editor

rt Friday morning for a first appearance on charges of obscene and indecent exposure aboard an airline.

CLIFFVIEW PILOT ordinarily stays as local as local can be. Yet every now and then a tale creeps up that must be retold -- like "Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot." In the wake of the Olympics, this pole vaulting yarn is one of them.

A passenger identified in an FBI complaint as C.S.A. says she was sitting next to M.K.N., checking emails on her laptop, when she caught him double-clicking his mouse underneath a blanket.

According to the complaint, C.S.A. even made a stroking hand motion as she told a flight attendant what she'd just witnessed:

"Nookella then leaned back in his seat. He had a mustard/gold blanket pulled up to his waist. C.S.A. noticed that Nookella's eyes were closed as his hands moved all around his groin area underneath his blanket. C.S.A. did not notice an erection. C.S.A. did not think Nookella was asleep because there was not enough time for him to fall asleep. C.S.A. thought the situation was weird. She began to pack up her belongings so that she could change seats. C.S.A. looked at Nookella and saw him holding his erect penis. C.S.A. was positive that she saw Nookella's penis. C.S.A. had eye contact with Nookella. He was not asleep when she saw him holding his penis. Nookella said to C.S.A., "You caught me." C.S.A. replied, yeah I did. Nookella's left hand held a napkin. C.S.A. didi not look but heard a swishing sound. She thought Nookella wiped something. C.S.A. got up to leave. Nookella responded that he would go and move to the back. Nookella moved to the back."

No word yet on whether the in-flight movie was about gladiators, or whether "Nookie" ordered the steak or the fish.

However, the story gets better: A federal judge who released Nookella on $5,000 bail banned him from flying until the case is resolved.

That means this guy has to DRIVE.

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