Top 10 Things I've Learned While on Unemployment
1. Just because you haven’t left the house in a month and a half doesn’t mean you can go without showering that long.
2. Maury Povich is Satan, but he’s also a genius.
Bill Tjaden
(aka Laserman)
3. Cats can lay on a couch for 8 hours without using the bathroom. But I can’t.
4. 3 p.m. is the new 6 a.m.
5. Mail delivery may be the highlight of your day, but don’t go skipping to the mailbox. The neighbors will talk.
6. After awhile, no amount of creativity can satisfy “How was your day?”
7. “Monday,” “Tuesday,” "Wednesday”: All abstract concepts that have no meaning.
8. Make sure no one else is home before you start talking to yourself.
9. Six weeks and I still don’t understand the cowboy hat on that Binder & Binder guy.
10. Trust me: Cats and a laser pointer gets old after only two weeks.
Bill Tjaden of Oakland is a volunteer firefighter, motorcycle enthusiast and grandfather whose lust for life hasn't changed since he was graduated from Mahwah High School in 1968. He's served in the Air Force -- including a stint in Thailand -- has three adult children (with his wife, Valerie) and two gorgeous grandkids. Bill still listens to Tom Waits, Dylan and Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen. And his sense of humor is as cutting and caustic as ever. One of his favorite quotes was his dad's: " If you break a leg, don't come running to me."
