“Hey Hilcken, how come you didn’t catch that fly ball? You cost us the game!”
Tommy Hilcken
Come on, it wasn’t me. My glove.... my spikes... the sun. Otherwise, I would have caught it easily.
This is all well and good when you're 7 years old, or even 10. But, boy, does it ever become destructive as an adult to find yourself sitting alone on the pity pot.
I'm not ashamed to tell you: I've spent a great part of my life blaming others for my -- and I emphasize, MY -- circumstances.
Poor me. Stuck with no money because I married early. Had kids too soon.
Boo hoo….
Only trouble was: Nobody wanted to hear my excuses. They didn't care if I spent the rest of my life sitting and sulking and drowning in "poor me"s.
I think it was Shakespeare who said “To thine own self be true.” I remember thinking, "Where have I heard that before?" Then it hit me.
I was 18 or so and working with a man I called Mr. L. He was a bright guy who basically pulled no punches. One day I showed up late for work. Mr. L met me at the door.
"Good morning, Pally," he said. "I don’t know if you realized, but work starts at 8 a.m.”
I assured him I knew, but that my car wouldn’t start…my visor didn’t work... that darn sun was in my eyes again.
That was the day I heard it: Shakespeare, Hudson County style.
"You know what, Tommy?" Mr. L said. "The worst people on earth are the people who believe their own BS.”
He was right. But he wasn't the only one to get through.
Sometimes when I'm struggling with self-pity, I dig deep in my memory and ask: “What would Eddie do?”
Eddie Miller was one of my first “Life on Life’s Terms” mentors. One day, while dumping all my problems in his lap, I asked him: “Eddie, why me?”
“Why NOT you?" he said. "If not you, who? Me? No way do I want your grief."
Recently I attended an awesome seminar on going back and examining how we've all been programmed. In order for it to work, you first needed to ask: “What was it that made me tick? What were my beliefs?”
I truly was enjoying myself during the session, right up until I began sharing why I didn’t have this and why I didn’t have that, how my father was a blue-collar worker and I didn't have a college education.
I was rambling on, virtually begging everyone to come join me on the pity pot. Then a guy jumped up and shouted: "SO WHAT? NOW WHAT?"
How dare he charge in and disturb me when I was trying to rationalize how my disadvantaged life was all created by others! But like Eddie, like Mr. L, he was right.
Times are tough? So what? Now what?
Business is slow? So what? Now what?
I'm not kidding when I tell you it truly changed my life. I already had the wisdom of my mentors. All I needed was the courage to face the challenge.
So I'm asking you to give it a try. Next time you find yourself heading to the pity pot, stop.
Then ask yourself two simple questions that could change your life:
So what?
Now what?
For 20 years, Tommy Hilcken has motivated people, from blue-collar families to celebrities & pro athletes. As a Life Success Consultant and award-winning speaker, he helps others break through their fears and challenges, move away from what's holding them back, and go for what they really want. You can reach him at his Life Success Workshops: 973.809.2927. Or: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
