EILEEN KELLY: I'm too old for this (stuff)

Don’t be friends with actors. Sure they’re wonderful and talented and fun, but you turn around and you’re forty-one years old and they’re still asking you to help them move. If you’ve got a bag of feathers I’ll help you move it. Otherwise, I’m too old. Hire movers. Paying your friends in beer and a pizza for moving the entire contents of your apartment doesn’t cut it anymore. And while I'm at it....

I’m too old to sleep on your couch. Or worse yet, your mom’s couch. Or anywhere in your mom’s house. You’re as old as I am. Which is too old to have your friends over to your mom’s house. And telling me how great her omelets are does not make this offer more appealing. In fact, it makes me feel dirty.

I’m too old to not exercise. Once you hit a certain age you really have to do more than the Cindy Crawford workout one a month to stay in shape so I started running recently. It’s true what they say about that runner’s high. But I don’t know. Seems like when I was younger it was a lot easier to get high. It’s a long way to go for a hot dog.

I’m too old to say “Awesome!” Those of you who know me know that this doesn’t stop me, though.

I’m too old to hip hop dance. If you look in my living room on weekday afternoon, you’ll see that this doesn’t stop me. Avert your eyes.

I’m too old for blue eyeshadow. This makes me sad. Declaring that you just can’t/won’t do some things anymore is really freeing. Well, except for the blue eyeshadow. There’s no upside to that one. (Sigh)

So have a go at it. I want to hear what you’re too old for. Please share in the comment box below. I know, registering is a pain, but once you’re in, you’re in. Unless you’re too old to remember your password.

Oh and one more thing: Can any of you guys help me move?

Eileen Kelly was a semi-finalist in Nick at Nite’s “Search for the Funniest Mom in America,” and made a name for herself with " My Pony's in the Garage," which premiered at the NY Fringe Festival. She is currently writing a memoir based on her solo show and has written several treatments and spec scripts for television. She likes Springsteen, cheap beer and good Italian bread. Did we mention she’s from Jersey?

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Marisa Perez said:

	... I'm too old to go out when I really want to stay home. Although that's exactly what I did tonight! And I still LOVE blue eyeshadow!
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March 06, 2010
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Kevin ODonnell said:

	... Apparently, I'm too old to retain any sense of direction. On a recent visit to my daughter's house she said, "I made you a map in case I have to leave you unattended."
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